Jodi L. Stauber
Era: Global War on Terror
Military Branch: Air Force
Unit Info: Air National Guard
Jodi L. Stauber
Jodi L. Stauber is the former Commander Chief Master Sergeant of the 148th Fighter Wing, Minnesota Air National Guard, Duluth, Minnesota. In May-September 2009, she served with the 447th Air Expeditionary Group in Baghdad, Iraq.
Chief Stauber began her military career when she enlisted in the 148th Fighter Wing in 1986 shortly after her graduation from Denfeld High School in Duluth, Minnesota. She completed basic training at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas and returned to Duluth where she was hired into a fulltime position in the Military Personnel Flight.
Chief Stauber held multiple positions in Military Personnel Flight and was selected as Superintendent in 2002.
In 2007 she became the Command Chief Master Sergeant. In 2009, she was assigned to the 447th Expeditionary Group, Superintendent, at Sather Air Base in Baghdad, Iraq, where the Expeditionary Group was stationed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation New Dawn.
The winner of numerous awards and decorations, both military and civilian, Stauber has been a strong advocate for community involvement and has represented the 148th Fighter Wing in many events and activities.
Jodi is featured on the SLCHS produced Salute to Servicewomen exhibit and will have her story featured in the July 2021 edition of Women Today magazine.
Interview with Jodi Stauber
Veterans’ Memorial Hall Oral History Program
Duluth, Minnesota
January 12, 2015
Veterans’ Memorial Hall is a program of
the St. Louis County Historical Society
©January 12, 2015 by the St. Louis County Historical Society
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy and recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the St. Louis County Historical Society.
Veterans’ Memorial Hall Oral History Program
Interview with Jodi Stauber
Duluth, Minnesota
January 12, 2015
Nancy Rubin, Interviewer
Interviewee: JS
Interviewer: NR
Track 1
00:00
NR: Today’s date is January 12, 2015, and my name is N-a-n-c-y R-u-b-i-n. [spelled out] Jodi please state your name and spell it out.
JS: J-o-d-i S-t-a-u-b-e-r. [spelled out]
NR: A nice way to start would be to hear about the family you grew up with and how you made your decision to go into the service.
JS: Sure. I come from a family of five. I have mom, dad and one older brother and one younger brother. I grew up in the west neighborhood of Fond du Lac out near Jay Cooke State Park. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, so I lived with my mom and my two brothers. I was thinking about the military when I was in the 9th grade. The Air force had a big semi- truck, a recruiting truck that came to the school and I remember going in, I think it was the 9th grade and I went into that big semi- trailer. They had stuff in there, posters, and I think they had a movie rolling or something trying to recruit you. I walked in and I really felt an overwhelming sense of pride and I really felt called. I really felt a pull in the 9th grade and I thought this is what I want to do. I want to join the military. And I don’t know that I thought about it that much you know, after that, too much? I think the seed was probably just planted. At the time I wasn’t encouraged or very excited to go to college when it came time to graduate from high school. I think in my senior year I started thinking more about the military then, because I needed to figure out what I was going to do.
I ended up looking into a couple things, active duty and as it would be, and being an eighteen year old girl, I didn’t like the Air Force recruiter that was talking to me. I just felt “put off” by him, I didn’t care for me. And I went to the Air National Guard and talked to the recruiters there. Also when I worked at a local exercise place, there was one of the people that came and worked out in the morning when I was working there. He was in the Air National Guard. He told me all kinds of great stories about that and how he just came home from Italy, and I got stars in my eyes. I thought this sounds pretty exciting. I visited there and that’s where I ended up ultimately joining the Air National Guard, at the 140th Fighter Wing in Duluth, Minnesota in 1986.
NR: Wow!
JS: November 21st, I think it was, 1986.
NR: So you had graduated?
JS: I graduated from high school, yes. Then I enlisted and I went to basic training in January or February, I think it was January of ’87 then. By the time I did paperwork, physicals and things it was January of ’87 and then I went to my six weeks of basic training.
That was an “eye opening” experience of course, and lots of stories, and experiences there of being yelled at and screamed at. They try to break you down to see if you’re going to break down, you know.
And they try to make you see who’s going to break and who’s not and if you can stand the pressure. What I learned from basic training, that all it was is following simple rules and team work. That’s it.
NR: Where did you go for your boot camp?
JS: Lackland Air Force Base in Texas.
NR: In Texas?
JS: Yes, it was very hot even then for a northern girl to be down there and the afternoons got quite hot down there. You know, we just weren’t accustomed to that. You know with basic training they are trying to break you down, but really what it’s all about, can you follow simple instructions and do you have team work. Are you a team thinker? And because that’s your whole career, looking back that’s exactly all it is. Because the Air Force tells you what to do, you have millions of regulations that say, “This is how you do the job. This is what you do. Can you follow simple instructions?” Working through team work with your group, so if you can be a team player and follow instructions. That’s what it boils down to. And it’s kind of interesting the psychology of basic training to see that, cause if you go in with that mindset, it’s easy. You know, and knowing that they are trying to get you, that makes it easy. But when you are 18 and away from home the first time, it’s not easy. [laughs]
NR: How did your mother feel about or your father feel about you going into the service?
JS: They were proud, they didn’t say too much. I kind of made decisions on my own, unfortunately, by then, a lot. They didn’t say too much about it, but I think they were both proud of me. My older brother by this time was three years older than me. He had already joined the active duty Air Force. I remember getting letters home from him telling me not to do it. “Don’t do it. This isn’t for you.” And it’s kind of funny, because I think that was his way of protecting his little sister, you know that kind of thing. But I went ahead with it anyway. I just—it was almost—there have been a few occasions throughout my life where, it’s like you don’t even necessarily tend to do something, you just feel a push from behind. You know what I mean? It’s like I don’t really, whoops, there I go—I don’t think I feel— whoops, there’s the next step and next thing you know, that’s kind of how I joined the military. I wanted to, I had this heart, but I was scared to death.
Being an 18 year old girl and just going away, the whole thing was just very frightening. I didn’t have much self-confidence to be honest at that time, and it was a journey. But the day you put on your “blues” the last week of training, you always wear your khaki, your greens and that day, that last week of training, putting on your “blues” was one of the most proud moments of your life, because you’ve earned it.
You earned to put on that blue uniform, so I remember being just tearful about it, just excited and wow. Then when I left basic training and came back home, you know, I felt like I came back an adult. That it turned me into an adult. I did it, I had to do it all on my own with the help of my flight, there’s a lot of team work involved. But it wasn’t my family or friends holding me up. It was just me deciding whether I was going to finish and accomplish or if I was going to “fold” and go home, like a lot of people did.
NR: How large of a group were you a part of?
JS: At basic training?
NR: Yes.
JS: I did bring a couple pictures I can show you [viewing the pictures]. I don’t know how many were there. It was a whole flight. This is my basic training picture of the green and the green and then the blue.
NR: Okay.
JS: So that was our flight. That’s me here and I’m here on the tall riser. So, I don’t know how many that is, thirty?
NR: Did you develop; have a chance to develop any friendships through basic training?
JS: You did a little bit, it’s really a time when you’re just under duress, really and you don’t—there was a gal that I was a little bit close with, but we’d gone our separate ways of course real quickly, because when it’s over, you scatter to the world. You get overtaken by your base and you get sent, you know, where you’re going to go. I didn’t keep in contact with anyone from basic training.
NR: What was a typical day like for you in basic training?
JS: At basic training? They would start yelling at you, I don’t know, I think it was at 5:00 a.m. and they tell you to “fall out” which means to get down to the pad, the drill pad, which is downstairs. And girls have hair and they don’t like hair on girls, so everyone would braid their hair and have everything you sleep with in your T-shirt and your underwear and your socks. You’d have your hair braided, ready to go.
In my case, I had really long hair and you cannot wear your hair… cannot go below your collar according to military regulations. I decided to have them cut it, because I just thought I’m too concerned about my hair all the time. So to make it easier, if it was short, you could just leave it. Well as it was, they sit you in the barber chair, the same barber chair when you first get there, as they do all the guys when they shave their heads.
And so he used the same clipper on my hair to go “zoot”, like this (demonstrating) to cut it off as they did on the boys’ heads—to go—to shave their heads. So they left long strings and strands and it was still too long.
So then I had a nightmare to be able to put my hair back and braid it. So I always got yelled at about my hair and one of my training instructors, [TI] they call them. She’d always say were going to have a pow wow in my office with a scissors, me and you. She’d yell at me and threaten me every day. I was trying to do the best I could. But then we—you’d try and sleep real still. You didn’t want to mess up your bed too much because you had to make it real tight the next morning. So we’d fall out at about 5:00 a.m. and down to the drill pad. We had to line up in perfect formation and then maybe yell at you the whole time you are doing this. Then you’d go to breakfast.
Depending if they yelled at you five minutes or twenty minutes, depending on what they felt like that morning, if you didn’t do it right. You’d go to breakfast and go eat very quickly in silence. They had what you call a snake pit there, in the whole dining hall they had a big long table full of the training instructors. We called it the snake pit and they would just watch for people to mess up or step out of line, do something wrong. Then they would call you over in front of everyone in the dining hall, dining facility and humiliate you. I remember one morning; the green uniform had to be hemmed at the bottom. We don’t have these uniforms anymore, now they are just cuffed and bloused. Then you don’t have—they had to be the exact measurement
I remember one morning getting dressed, I put my foot right through the hem, so my pant leg came down. So I don’t even know if I knew or not, there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t say, “Excuse me; I need to go and do this.” I went through the line and I got screamed at. I got called, “come over here, get over here, airman.” I’m like “oh no”, so I go over there [recording static]. Do you know how many people have died for that uniform, airman?” And what’s the right answer, yes I do or no I don’t? I don’t know. So anyway they yelled at me about my pant leg, so I had to get it fixed. But again, just a mind game and we all know there’s nothing that could have been done about it at that moment. And still you have pride in the uniform and you felt it. You felt you had that pride for the uniform, not to have any lint or anything on it. And that stays with you forever.
So then we would—after breakfast—what did we do—I think we went back upstairs and did KP [kitchen police] duties. We had to clean the dorm perfectly every day. There was a threshold that you never stepped on, between the door threshold, the chrome, because it would scuff it, so you would always step over it. There’s all these little rules you know, they would just “nit pick” at you about. So we’d clean the latrines, make our beds and have an inspection. They’d come through, check your—make sure your t-shirts are folded and fixed in squares, again, simple instructions. How stupid is that?
But they want to see, can you follow simple instructions. Fixed in squares, are your boots shined, or is your toothbrush and everything set in here, is it dry? Is everything in perfect order in your drawer? That was always very nerve wracking, because they always found something wrong. And if in a kind of a mood, they’d find even if it wasn’t wrong, they’d find it was wrong, you know.
Basic training was quite the trip, but here again, this is where the team work comes in and they try to instill within you right off the “get go”. I couldn’t shine my boots, it just wouldn’t come. That’s where you’d find something to help you. They’d shine my boots, I’d do their t-shirts. Wow, you shine my boots that was the team work to get each other through. Cause if we all did well on the inspection, then everybody does well. If a couple people did badly, then everyone is just in trouble. So, that’s how they would get you on that, the team work. Some just couldn’t grasp that concept, so many people went home during basic training, were sent home or washed back, “recycled” we called it, recycled, set back a week or two. You end up with a different flight and then you start where you are at and go through it again.
NR: So if you want to leave you were able to leave?
JS: They may make it easy on you, but you had to have a good reason and unfortunately suicide was one of them. People would claim that they were going to kill themselves or that was kind of a common thing to say, because they didn’t want anything to do with you then. Then that’s a stigma and you’re out of the military and you don’t want that. But there were some who truly had that issue. There were some—but failure to progress, failure to do your training properly wasn’t necessarily easy, but there were things people knew that they could say. And they do it, but I knew I wasn’t going home, no matter what. [both laugh] I couldn’t do it.
So then we would do classroom training also later in the day, book training, and it was very dry I remember. Then we do drill training. So they’d have us outside on the drill pad learning how to march and to take commands from the first sergeant marching you as a squad. We did obstacle course, confidence course I think they called it at the time. That was a team work thing, a physical thing. Then we had field time.
We had to learn how to live out in the field, and eat MRE’s, the meals ready to eat there are just dehydrated stuff in a pouch (laughing) stuff like that so. Basic training is quite different than it was when I went through, that was how many years ago, 1986, so, it was a long time ago. Basic training is no longer and they have more war training during basic training now.
NR: Okay.
JS: Because when I enlisted it was just the cold war; you know there wasn’t Iraq and Afghanistan. There wasn’t that threat, so it was a different world, but now they have changed basic training to better prepare airman which is very good.
NR: Oh, sure. So then you got home again, and then where were you stationed?
JS: With the Air National Guard, you stay with the unit you enlisted. You always stay in active duty. They pick you and they send you wherever they want for as long as they want. In the Air National Guard, you remain with that unit because you take an oath to the governor as well in the state. Active duty is federal, all federal; they do what they want with you. You come home you are in an Air National Guard, you have an oath to do what the governor says. So that’s why the Guard gets called out for floods and fires, and domestic disorder, you know, when there’s big riots, the governor will call you out.
NR: Okay.
JS: But then you get a federal mission as well. So anyways I stayed with the 148th and I came back and I did all my training. Then I was offered to work temporary at the base—you know you want to be up here temporarily for a couple months cause we need some help? So I worked. They said “it’s going to end in six weeks and then you would be done”. Then six weeks would come and “well you know you’re going to be done now”. We can put you on orders for another six weeks and then you’ll be done. That went on for a year. I got a lot of good experience under my belt and then I was very fortunate. They had an active duty slot open and they allowed—I applied for the job.
I was active duty, full time active duty up at the base. By 1987 maybe it was ’88 by then, I don’t know, somewhere in there. So I was very fortunate and um, in the Air National Guard they have a couple different types of active duty, just like the active duty in the Air Force. They have some active duty at the Air National Guard, so I got active duty. I got paid by my stripes and then they have federal technicians who are like federal employees that work for the court house and other government agencies, EPA, federal technicians. They have those types of employees in the Air National Guard. Those are the types of full time employees that keep it all going during the week.
Then you have your traditional guardsmen who come in one week end a month, that have other jobs in the world. I was extremely fortunate to have applied and received that job, the active duty job, which means I could work 20 years active duty and retire.
NR: Oh.
JS: Then I started in what was called the CBPO, at the time the Consolidated Base Personnel Office, which is now an MPF, a Military Personnel Flight. I worked in there, almost every job in there because there are many different jobs in that section. I worked my way through the years and ended up being the personnel superintendent. So we had an officer and an enlisted person in charge to run that section and I was the enlisted person and I had an officer too that I worked with and for at that time. And then I was selected to be the Command Fly, the wing commander in um, I don’t know what year that was.
NR: That was quite an honor.
JS: That was an extreme honor. The thing is, I never, being a shy quiet kid from Fond du Lac, like I truly was. I didn’t have a lot of self-confidence; I didn’t think a lot of myself. I just kept moving forward with it, doing my best, always conscientious, but didn’t necessarily have a faith in my ability. Along the way and after I was hired, my first full time job in the CBPO, we had an inspection. So higher headquarters comes down and they look through all your papers and everything is real serious, check here, mark there. I’ll never forget, you go into this room, the big hanger and they put on a huge presentation. Then they tell the commander all throughout the base, everyone’s grade, and it’s public. I’ll never forget sitting there for the first time, my first inspection, I was scared out of my mind. My picture came up and the bold statements for my section came up and it was a blue dot. A blue dot meant outstanding. It’s the highest grade you could get. It was a blue dot with my name. With bold statements of what I had done well in my job. And that was just a lowly airman, I was not running the place, but, I don’t know to this date what they said because I cried.
NR: Oh!
JS: I sat there and cried. I couldn’t believe I had accomplished that. I couldn’t believe that I did so well, you know it was a huge turning point for me.When I really knew that hard work paid off and that I was just doing the right thing. Just put your head down and get your work done. And so that’s kind of the same principle that I applied for all the different jobs I’d gotten. I’d never set my sights up on being a chief let alone on being the Command Chief. I saw those positions and I saw those people in those positions and I’d respected the positions. But I never thought until right up to it “I wonder if I should apply for the Command Chief.”
Oh, my, what would—[ recording static] When I became a chief I was pregnant and we laughed about that. I was pregnant with my fourth child and you know, you just did not see that during that time. A pregnant blonde is putting on a chief’s _________? it’s usually kind of the older, gentlemanly gray haired males.
It was a huge honor, unexpected and then when I was chosen to be the command chief at the wing, I was scared to death again and honored, excited. I knew, I just knew, how I wanted to proceed. I know that this was a position that you had to be in it for the right reasons. That I was going to not walk around like I owned the place or what’s a lack of a better word, but you know, I wanted to serve the airman. I wanted to truly be there for them. I said before, the command chief position is like being everybody’s mom, or everybody’s dad. And that’s truly how I felt, that I was there to do my best, take care of them. To make sure those programs are running right. Make sure they are getting promotions on time and that their living conditions were proper and you know and all that stuff. So, I did the best I could, I wasn’t perfect, but I did the best I could. That’s how I approached that job, with gratitude.
NR: Wow! What an incredible honor.
JS: Yes, it really was. They have a change of authority ceremony is what it’s called, cause it’s not a change of command. Mostly people don’t command, only officers command. But they did a change of authority um, ceremony for this, so it’s in front [recording static] And so that’s when they—we had to kind of symbolize, cause the commander does the change of command with the flag. And we are not to be confused with commander, so we had to ah, it’s kind of like a trophy for lack of a better word and we exchanged that during the ceremony [recording static] and then you give a speech. It was really scary, very scary and that’s kind of how it becomes official for everyone to see. You know that now you are the command chief. It’s kind of a cool ceremony, having gone through it, given the authority, and becoming command chief, then having to give it up later. They were both very hard. Then once I retired, I had to push that and that was hard.
NR: So how long were you the command chief?
JS: Two or three years, I’m real fuzzy on dates and times, sorry, two or three years I think it was. I want to say three years, but.
NR: Wow, what an honor. Was that after you had been stationed that you actually were in Iraq?
JS: I was the command chief first and then that was one of the other things that were gnawing at me, because I hadn’t deployed. In the air base when they deploy you, you see in the newspaper all the news you know ah everyone’s deploying.
You’ll see that there are two hundred people going and a bunch of airplanes going. So that’s usually what you see around here, where every day we have people that deploy. One person by themselves will go for much longer and that airplane package will go for like sixty days.
NR: Okay
JS: But every day what you don’t see is that there is one person here, one person there going to remote places by themselves for longer periods at a time, six months, a year, eight months, whatever, five months, four months, there are people gone all the time. People don’t always realize that. Deployment had become—since September 11th,—I have a September 11th story I can tell you too. I was out in DC at the time of September 11th.
NR: At that time?
JS: Yes, that day. Since September 11th, the whole world changed as we all know, and it was very significant change and then it was never—the pace has never slowed down since then. People deploying, reacting and going places. So not only here I am the command chief, I’m supposed to be the leader for the enlisted force, and I had the opportunity to deploy. Because you know, my position had not necessarily been a part of that airplane and package.
NR: Okay.
But there’s “onesies” and “twosies” positions. So here’s another example of being pushed from behind when I didn’t really want to do something, but I knew I should and had to. I just felt I had to, so I made a phone call to the National Guard Bureau and I said, “Find me a position to deploy in.” And then I started to shake thinking, what did I just do? Why did I do that? And so then it all connects, it all connects and then they had a position for me. And then, “oh, nope, that one’s not going to work, it’s not going to be it. But we could get you in this one.” That was the one that was meant for me.
Interestingly because the other one would have been nice, but I would have ended up being there with a person who got that line and was there the same time I was there in the other positions. It’s just kind of interesting and how that worked out but the position—so I deployed as a group superintendent which is equivalent to the command chief at Sather Air Base in Baghdad, Iraq.
NR: Okay
JS: I went and was gone for a total of five months from May to September, beginning of May to the end of September. And when I got that position they said, “Ok, you’re hooked up and you’re going.” Then all panic set in, because I’ve got four kids at home. My husband works a very extremely busy full time job and oh, the reality of it set in. Why did I do this? [laughs]
NR: So, you had to have had those discussions ahead of time.
JS: My husband and I talked about it in depth, absolutely and he’s so proud of me and my career and so proud of military. He loves—he’s such a strong supporter of the military. He said, “Well do it, it’s fine, it will work, you need to do this.”
And then we agreed. When the time came and I got it, I panicked. He said, “It’s fine, Jodi, we’re going to do this.” How am I going to leave the kids? How am I gonna—this is crazy going to a war zone.
NR: How old were the kids then?
JS: My daughter was two, so two—the boys were six, seven and eight, I think it was. Yes, something like that six, seven and eight, again, my math’s terrible. She was two, because she turned three when I was gone. And um, so I panicked, went in panic mode. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I did this. And then reality hit and I just had to start packing, had to go, had to get ready. I think I had like two months, a month or two, I think it was two months to prepare then once I knew when I was going, if I remember the timeline right. That’s a whole huge mess in itself, you have to bring, 49,000 different specific items with you. You have to deploy with a certain thing and then just getting the whole family ready. Dads are wonderful and my husband’s awesome, but he didn’t necessarily know all the intimate details of running the house, you know.
NR: Yes.
JS: It’s different when moms go and when dads go, you know.
NR: Yes.
JS: I remember just going on a trip for the week for work and I was talking to one of my fellow co-workers. I was like—oh my gosh, there’s so much to do before I just go on this TDY to DC or whatever. And he said, “What’s there to do? You throw some clothes in a bag and you go.” I looked at him and thought, you are so not a mom. [both laugh] I have to make sure everyone’s medicine is there, milk in the house, that everything is squared away, that he knows everyone’s schedules. It’s not that simple. And so then to leave for an extended period of time, I knew I was going to be away from home for five months—how are we going to manage. And that’s just the logistical part of it; it’s not even the hard part of it.
NR: Right.
JS: That was a completely different emotional situation in itself too. So that was very hard to get ready to do that.
So I had to_________? and the day came when we had to leave and my husband and I just kept talking, this is good, this is good because as soon as you leave the clock is gonna start ticking for the good. You know the clock is ticking now for when you have to leave, as soon as you leave, the clock—every minute means you are getting closer to home. So we just focused on that and meanwhile, why did I do this. [laughs] I was driven by that if I’m supposed to be leading this enlisted force, I need to understand what their lives are like when they deploy. How can I comfort? How can I provide? How can I be a good leader if I don’t even know? It’s one thing to see, another thing to do. And I felt so strongly, and that’s why I kept getting pushed from behind. Things started clicking and I know I was meant to do this, in hindsight, especially. But it was so hard to go through those emotions.
So then the day came, we went to the airport. My husband and my kids came and one of my husband’s brothers came. I think my in-laws were there and my mom and dad were there to say goodbye. We just waited and waited until the last second to go to board. I was in my uniform with my big back pack full of stuff and scared to death and trying not to cry. I remember my best friend was there and she said, “I can’t believe how good you’re doing.” And I would just—I was detached because it’s one thing about deployment, once you know you go, you have to go. You know you have to start detaching right away. It’s a hard concept for people to understand and I didn’t understand it until I did it myself. What that meant. Because how I could stand in the airport like this and smile and be fine, but I was trying to go into a different place in my brain. I couldn’t look at my kids, it was so hard. I remember on the way to the airport my kids were fighting. They were little at the time and they have all these emotions, how can I expect them to understand what deployment means.
NR: Right.
JS: My third son has Downs Syndrome, so he was real little, so he doesn’t understand calendars and time. How do I say to him, “Mommy’s gonna be back in five months, Isaac.” He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand to this day. He just knows I’m not there once you go.
NR: Yes.
JS: That was just really difficult saying goodbye to him, knowing he’s like “Where the heck did she go? [laughs] Why isn’t she here?” So the final boarding call came and I had to go and so I left and we are all broken down crying. It was just the worst scene ever. The TSA lady had to leave. [laughs] She went into the back, she had said something else. It was—as much as I didn’t want it to be that scene, it was just a “killer”. I had a pillow and one of my kids said, “Mom you forgot your pillow.”
So I had to come back and get my pillow and my little boy Isaac, who has Downs Syndrome, just didn’t understand what was going on. He started running after me through the gates. It was just this terrible feeling. [laughs)
NR: Oh, my goodness!
JS: You got what we didn’t want, but we couldn’t help it. So everyone was bawling, even Pete’s big tough brother. He said it was the worst day in his life and I laughed. I allowed myself— I told myself I can cry until the flight attendant brings me a Coke. That’s what I’m going to give myself until I get a Coke.
And so I got a Coke, and pulled myself together and I just started to journal. To journal exactly what I was feeling. And its yes, I haven’t really gone back to read those journals. Well since I’ve been back home now. I journaled all through my experience there and I haven’t really re- read them. Once I pulled it out and had been home for just a little while, I peeked through it a little while. It was just too emotional. Some it was just mundane things I did while I was there, but other stuff I wrote about how I felt.
NR: Your heart.
JS: So then it was a very long flight and I was by myself, by myself going to Iraq. How does this happen (laughing)? I don’t even have a friend or a buddy to negotiate all this with. So it was a very difficult journey just getting flights and late nights, no sleep because I was full of anxiety of what was going to be on the other side.
I finally get to Iraq and you know I hadn’t slept in about forty hours I would say, I mean literally it had to be—cause like when I looked back at the days when I hardly slept and was at the airport or on military flights to Iraq. I couldn’t sleep at all, I just could not—it was noisy, I was scared to death. I’m like what am I—I’m going to land here and then what? So I was extremely sleep deprived and we got down and it was the middle of the day there or morning or something, daylight anyway. And I met the person I was going to be replacing. And you know you could have dropped me on Mars I wouldn’t have known any different. I got on this base that was just bare, and dirt, there we are. And there’s no, “Hey, would you like a shower, something to eat, do you want to take a nap?” No, it’s throw your bags here and let’s go. I’m gonna show you what to do. So you hit the floor running. There’s no—this is a war zone. [laughs]
NR: No easy end to it.
JS: This is a war zone, there’s no easing in. This is what you’re gonna do, here’s your stuff, here’s your gun. And so I carried a M9 the whole time I was there 24/7. Which my kids think it’s hilarious. My boys are like, “You carried a M9, Mom?” Because I’m not really a gun person, you know, I wouldn’t necessarily do that now.
But we had to carry an M9 and that’s a whole culture shock, life changing, you know. Who wants to be responsible for this gun 24/7? I don’t. So I got all my stuff. And finally the time came several hours later they said, “Okay go back to your quarters and take a break, and come back here, walk to the office.” So I did. When I got back to the office everybody was in a tizzy because —do you remember that service member, the Army man who shot four Army soldiers in 2009?
JS: We had just passed by there. His friends were just bringing him to a mental health facility on the base.
NR: Oh.
JS: And so that was my first hello. We had first passed by there because we were doing a tour of everything, here’s where you’re going to be. I was so shocked and scared I remember thinking I came here and I thought we knew who the enemy was and now we had to worry about our friends shooting us now. I was like—I could not even absorb this after, no sleep, in a foreign land, in a war zone and this was what was happening. So I was shocked to say the least and I went back to my quarters and I just sobbed. I just got on my knees and sobbed. It was one of the lowest points in my life.
NR: Really?
JS: I was so scared, so lonely and this is happening. What? I just couldn’t wrap my head around that; not at all. It was really hard. So then I had to—so I had a good cry and then I just pulled myself back up, went back out there and acted like I never shed a tear. And on we go with what needed to be done next.
NR: What did help get you through that?
JS: My faith in God. I prayed a lot and tried to pray about the right things. You know, “What will be, will be”. I put this quote in my scrap book too. This is the other thing I hung on my wall. I really, really believed and this is from Sir Winston Churchill. “To every man there comes in his life time that special moment when he’s figuratively tapped on his shoulder and offered a choice to do a very special thing near to him and fitted? to his talents. What a tragedy if in that moment I am unprepared or unqualified for the work which would be his finest hour.” So that’s one of the things I had posted at my work station, and I always thought when it says “What if it finds him unprepared or unqualified”, and in my mind I always thought, unwilling. And what if you’re unwilling? You know and I needed to be willing to give this my best shot and really be there.
NR: That’s beautiful.
JS: That was one of the things and the other thing was from the book of Esther. I had posted that on my desk too. “For you have been born for such a time as this”, as Esther was called upon to do something very scary and unique. You know she had to go against her time and her cousin said to her, “What if you’d been put on this earth for such a time as this?” And so that was one of the things I really lived off of there.
It wasn’t that I went there to save the world or stop the war, but I was in Iraq, in that place, for that moment, for such a time as this. I had work to do so, I had a reason for being there. It’s not perfectly clear, either, now. I mean I had made connections, did good things. I mean but to me it’s not 100 percent clear. It’s not like I can pinpoint you know, some of the amazing things I did, but for such a time as this. And I was called and that’s why I was pushed and that’s how I found myself there and that’s why I served.
NR: And you were there for the other people who were there with you.
JS: Yes, I hope so, I mean I hope I showed up for them, you know. I hope I did and I tried the best I could, when I was dealing with my own fears and insecurities and all that. I hope that’s the case. Because that’s what I kept telling myself, you know, you show up for them. So then after—and people die there, lot of people die. So we had these four service members that were killed. So the next thing that needs to be done is what they call Patriot Duty and nobody wants to do those, but nobody misses them and—Patriot Detail, excuse me. That’s when they are loading the bodies onto the aircraft.
NR: Oh.
JS: So we are right at the airport, like I mentioned and my pillow— literally I practically slept on the flight line, that’s how close my quarters was. [laughs] I mean my pillow was—I could see the flight line. And so we would—it seemed liked they always happened at night. I don’t know if that was on purpose or not. But always at night and in the middle of the night they would send an email and say it’s time for the Patriot Detail. So we would go out anybody that could, it wasn’t mandatory, but we always had a huge showing. And we’d go out and get into formation and then they would back up the mortuary truck and we’d have a formation on either side. They’d make a chord? on there, and then the first sergeant would march us over there, and we’d be ready, and then he would direct us to do a salute. And normally in the military the salute is a quick up and down, a sharp salute. And in this case it’s a somber salute, it’s a very, very slow salute. Then you hold the salute until the bodies go by.
So there is my first experience, my first night there we are saluting these service members that were just killed by the place I just went by and I did not know them personally but this was—I never laid my eyes on her faces but it was so powerful and scary and frightening and a huge honor.
The military just does that with such dignity until they can be placed in their loved ones hands, they do that so well and with so much dignity to honor those people. So they come in their transfer case with their bodies inside and their things. Their put into the aircraft and covered with an American flag. We salute and the chaplain usually leads us in a prayer and you know you try not to cry.
I wrote an article for the Duluth News Tribune. They asked me to write an article after I had gotten back. So I wrote on Patriot Details and in the article I said, you know that, I stood there trying so hard not to cry. I can’t be crying here, I can’t be the girl that’s crying and at one point it just dawned on me that it’s worth crying. It’s worth letting the tears flow. Their life, I can’t imagine, their family members are waiting for them. So I just let them drop. And you never got used to that. I think there was twenty six people in my time there, I could be wrong. I wrote that down too that we saluted on their way home in a casket. So that’s the reality of it, you know. And that means something to me know, I mean something that I hold deep in my heart about. It was an honor to be there and to do that and is life changing, you know. It really is life changing.
NR: It’s got to be.
JS: You can’t really describe what that’s like. On the other side, the more fun side of things during the deployment I saw so much stuff over there. So many things Saddam Hussein created, his palaces, his fake wealth and you know it’s very ornate inside, but if you chip away at that, it’s not gold. He wanted everyone to think its gold plated or painted, or you know it’s “chintzy” in there. Cheap labor and you know, we saw all the water he stole from the farmer’s to put on his palaces. He took the water from them so he could have water. I heard lots and lots of stories, um we were—well part of our facilities was the air force house it was called, it was the house that he had built for one of his daughters. And that is an office building now. There were just all kinds of crazy stories. To see all this stuff here and to see where he and his sons were living, “high off the hog”, you know, when everyone else was so poor. So it was just really interesting, very interesting, the culture, meeting the Iraqi people. We talked about how we were living behind the air base and it was really life changing and exciting. In the month of August they have Ramadan. Is that what it’s called?
NR: I think so.
JS: Yes, Ramadan, the first month of August where they don’t eat anything until sunset. One of the Iraqi moms invited all us girls over for a Ramadan dinner. That is so cool. Who gets to do that?
NR: Right.
JS: So that was the family we got close to, name? And her mom was name? name? sister had been killed in a road side bomb at the beginning of the war and she had a couple of kids. So name? husband, I don’t remember his name, married the daughter, his niece.
NR: Oh!
JS: Because that’s what they did. And I asked name? “Did that make you upset at all?” she said, “Oh why would it?” (both laugh). It’s a different culture, so he took them in and saved them. So she had a baby with name? husband too.
She had a new baby, Joseph. There are pictures of him in here. And you know, it’s just a different culture, it was different.
I learned a lot of things and I just had to laugh at myself for asking such a stupid question. [both laugh]
I got real close with Lena, she was twenty three, I think at the time and just the sweetest heart ever. She could speak some English and there were always translators around. We would have good conversations and talk about things. I remember her saying she always thought the United States was so high, so high. I’m like high, what does that mean? Her translation in which she was trying to say was very rich and fancy.
NR: Oh.
JS: The United States was rich and fancy, but very high she would say. So, I would tell her stories about you know things back here or whatever. I’d write her a letter each day too, and so she could practice her English too. I’d write her a letter about my life and I’d always ask if she would write back to me, a letter. She wouldn’t because she was too embarrassed about, she didn’t think she was very good at English. So and she really was. So I feel sad that I don’t have any letters from her. I just could not get her to do it. But she always liked getting my letter. I’d bring it to her when I would visit. And so it makes me happy, I hope that she still has them.
NR: I’ll bet she does.
JS: And then I had bought one of my most favorite books in the world, The Little Prince. I love that book. The one translation of it is the best. Amazon.com is the service member’s best friend because they ship anywhere.
NR: Oh.
JS: So one of the days I was back at my work station on Amazon and I found The Little Prince, translated in Arabic and English. So one half was English and one half was Arabic.
NR: Oh, wow!
JS: So I ordered it and I could not believe they actually had this. I was hoping just to find Arabic or whatever because it’s in so many languages, so it was half Arabic. I had bought that for her and I was just “tickled pink”. [both laugh] I hope that she still has that now. So my last time that I was seeing her, I was going home. We were kind of tearful and she gave me a hug and she said, “You are my sister.” And I was like, oh my gosh, “You’re my sister too.” And I had written another article for the Duluth News Tribune too, I had put that in the article too. That was just so touching. A lot of—it was the best time of my life, and the worst time of my life. That’s how—the only way I can describe the deployment, is the best time and the worst time.
NR: And you had talked a little bit too even with the heat and the dust. And there was a dust storm.
JS: I don’t know if it is still the case, but it was the worst dust storm in history in Iraq July of 2009 and it was awful. The particles in the air everywhere around and you’re breathing it in. It’s in your hair; it’s in your bed, everywhere. It would just be dark all day because there is just so much dust it blocks the sun. So it’s the only reprieve that kept it a bit cooler because it was like 135 degrees during the day. When you went to bed at night it was still 100 degrees and then by the morning, by nine o’clock in the morning the switch would go on. We’d go from 100 to 125 or whatever. So we got a little bit of reprieve when that dust was out just because it was blocking the sun a little bit. It was an experience and that was gross and dirty and, terrible. People had to wear handkerchiefs over their mouths just to try to filter some of the dust.
NR: Did it get in your teeth even?
JS: Oh, yes, it was so gross, so gross. The heat was just horrendous and being a northern Minnesota girl, I do not like heat. And you’d literally have to drink water to survive. They had water in coolers and stuff everywhere. And because you could immediately feel if you stopped drinking, you’d start to get light headed and feel that coming on right away if you spent any time outside. You had to rehydrate. It was very, very, dangerous situation, so that was an experience.
I had my family back home and they were surviving. I was very lonely. One of the great things we have now, that older Veterans from World War I and II didn’t, is the computer.
NR: Right.
JS: And so I had Skype and so it was an eight hour time difference but I would be able to Skype my family.
A lot of times I would try to call in the morning when they are getting ready to go. I’d tell my husband to just set up the computer and I can watch them while they eat their cereal. I can talk to them while they are eating. That was very hard you know because, for a thousand reasons. We laugh about it now, but I’d be trying to parent over Skype. I’d be telling Pete do this or do that or make sure this is that. The kids would be wrestling in the background while I’m trying to talk. It was just—you can’t parent over Skype I found. [laughs] It just doesn’t work. I’d have my husband pick up the computer, and then he’d show me my gardens because you know there’s no green in Iraq. It’s just dirt. So he showed me the plush green of the lawn and my flowers out there. I would just be so homesick.
So the kids, it was hard on them, but we just kept instilling in them that they are serving their country too. Our family is serving our country. It’s not just mom, it’s our family. Everyone is doing their part right now. Everyone is serving. They were good with that. They were lonely and Pete did a great job, a very good job. You know the kids were real little. What did I say? They were four, five and six, something like that.
NR: Something, yes.
JS: And so they were still really little. So you can’t really leave little opportunities like that unattended, because even for him to go mow the lawn, those would be opportunities in the house, for the kids to just destroy the place. He couldn’t just turn his back like that. He had to be present when they are that little. And I remember talking to Peter once. He was almost in tears because someone came over and mowed the lawn while he was at work.
NR: Oh!
JS: Someone just came over and did it. And then they came the next week, and the next week. There was a lawn service in town that heard I was deployed and they came over just to help. He nearly was almost crying. All the things he had to do, the lawn was—and you got kids toys, at that age they have all kinds of toys they play with. They would just come and put them in a pile and just mow the lawn for him every week and he was so grateful.
And so for his side of it you know, one thing that we learned from our deployment to is that you can’t underestimate what the family does. The service member gets all the glory cause they go, “Oh, you’re in danger and oh, you’re gone.” The unsung heroes are the family members and everything they go through. The hot water heater rusted out the bottom when I was gone, so he’s go water all over the floor, kids to feed, it all piles up. And you don’t need extra stuff like water heaters going.
NR: No.
JS: It’s just very difficult and Pete said he’s got a family and it’s assumed family is taking care of you. That isn’t always the case. You know, and people aren’t necessarily helpful because they are making assumptions that, you know, things are taken care of. People would say when he’d run into them on the street, “If you need anything, let me know.” He’s not going to let anybody know. Our whole thing has been, “don’t ask just do.” Don’t ask a family member, “What do you need?” Just do it. Bring a gallon of milk and a carton of eggs, go mow the lawn or take their kids for a couple of hours. Bring Pizza from Papa Murphy’s, here’s your dinner for tomorrow or whatever. Just do it, because people are too proud, won’t except help, look weak, whatever. Or they just aren’t going to say, and Pete was one of those people, he’s not going to say, he’s “Fine, it’s okay, I can do it.” But what he would have given if someone had helped him with the laundry and you know— thank goodness somebody is doing the lawn.
Somebody would provide meals. I did have some really good friends, my girlfriends who brought several meals to him. And he wrote a thank you note as soon as the meal was over and mailed it. He was so appreciative, and because that meant so much. Just do it. When it comes to the family, just do it. Don’t ask. Think of something and do it. [laughs] So a lot of really good came out of my deployment, but it was the worst time and the best time.
NR: Yes. What was it like when you got home?
NR: Oh.
JS: So their pillow cases would be me and that child sleeping at night. I left them games and things; I really tried to prepare them. On the fridge I put what were gonna do when Mom gets back, a poster. I put it on the fridge and they could write anything they thought they are missing out on and that’s what we’ll do when we get back. And before I left for Iraq I made homemade cinnamon rolls. Never in my life have I done it, never in my life again. [both laugh] It’s one of those things as Mom, I’m like, before I go I have to make them homemade—they have to experience homemade cinnamon rolls, bread rising. You know, they had to experience that. In my mind I was trying to be so prepared for that.
So I was also trying to prepare for my return, thinking it was going to be “a piece of cake” because I love my family, and they love me. We’re gonna have a good time, were gonna make cookies, it was the whole Disney version I had going on in my head. It’s gonna, I’m just not gonna worry about it. [whispering] We were talking about reintegration before they left. I was like, I feel bad for you, and then I got home. When I came home that night, that day? There’s another million—a ride home on an airplane and I was greasy, disgusting and my hair was nasty. [laughs] And I got home at the Duluth National Airport and it was the most glorious day of my life.
And then we drove home and our driveway is very long, and so it was green on both sides cause I came home the end of September. And I was like, my eyes hurt, what is that color. [both laugh]It’s just shocking, it was so shocking. And we got home, and I jumped out of the car and rolled in the grass. I said, “Kids, come roll in the grass with me.” And they are all looking at me like, “she’s crazy, the grass. [both laugh]you know. So I took a shower, and I thought I’m home and this is good. And then family life started happening and I didn’t know what to do. I was a very engaged Mom, I’m right in the thick of it; I’m directing traffic before I left.
I got home, and it was so hard to jump back in. Our family life moved so fast. They were back in school already by the time I got home. So, back packs, homework, clean clothes, shower, errands, food, cooking.
I described it as a very fast moving merry go round that I couldn’t jump on, because your pace and your life in the war zone is completely different. I didn’t cook any meals for myself; we went to the dining hall every meal. You know, it was a completely different pace; it was—I didn’t have any home responsibilities. So it took me—that was a very difficult period. It took me a long time. Everyday I’d get up and I’m like ok, I’m gonna “jump back on now”, cause you need a couple days to get your body clock. Back.
NR: Right.
JS: You have to give yourself time; it’s not a big deal. But after that when my body clock was just fine and I couldn’t “jump back in” I got real confused easily trying to cook in the kitchen and where’s my stuff. You just have the whole ________? memory in your kitchen, you know you’re doing your thing. And to know you couldn’t find anything, just didn’t how to do it again. It was just so frustrating you know as a mom and what’s wrong with me, you know. I did really have—I suffered with a lot of anxiety when I got home and I had—because of the things I experienced on my deployment I had a lot of “icky” experiences. You know there’s a lot of uncool, silly things, and there’s a lot, you know.
It was my daughter’s third birthday, I was deployed and I was alone in my quarters. It’s always fortunate to have single quarters because of my rank. So I didn’t have to share with anyone which was really nice. But this particular day, the horns were going off, which means there’s incoming. I was so scared. I was by myself in my quarters and I was trying to get under my bed, because you are supposed to hide. My foot locker was under my bed and I couldn’t get under there and I was scared. I didn’t know what was going on and I was so angry. I was just swearing at myself, this is my daughter’s third birthday. I should be home baking princess cupcakes and this is where I am, alone, right now. And I was just so angry and upset.
As it turned out everything was good, nobody got hurt, it was all fine. I don’t remember if one hit, nothing major happened. So, it was not a big deal in the end, but I didn’t know that at the time, you know. I was alone and angry, and I had a commander—my commander that was there was very, not a good person. He made my life a living hell every day, very bad screaming at me all the time and not even reasonable. [whispering] The vast majority of the time he was there, it was like unreasonable stress and yelling and wow. All I can say is he is unreasonable, so I had a lot of anxiety about that.
When I came home, it was very hard. It was much harder, I was shocked. I couldn’t jump back in and make cookies and that whole Disney movie idea of what it was like for me to be at home, was not at all. And I hadn’t really told people about how much I was really suffering. I was full of anxiety, I was—I can’t pinpoint a reason why, other than the cumulative experiences.
And when you get home, nobody understands. Number one, they have no point of reference. Number two, nobody asks, not even my closest friends asked what I had gone through. And to start the story is exhausting. So, it’s not a five minute conversation, “So how’s your deployment?” You just say, good and move on. It was not a, you know—was not a five minute conversation if you really wanted to know.
I was asked to come speak; I think it was Minnesota Power. I was asked to come speak in a lot of different places after my deployment for whatever reason. One of them was Minnesota Power. They had a lunch and more. They do this for the employees; they have lunch with speakers on different topics. They asked me to speak on my deployment, and I invited my husband to come. That was like one of the few times he really heard the details of my story.
NR: Oh.
JS: I tried to tell him fragmented stuff, but I told the vast majority through day one, day two type thing. He was even surprised because there is just so much to tell. It was very isolating to not be able to dump these experiences into somewhere and to feel understood. And, lots and lots of people deploy, but not everyone has the same experience.
NR: Right.
JS: You know it’s a different experience for everybody and I think it’s a different experience when you go by yourself than you do with 200 of your closest friends for 60 days. It’s a different experience and I’m not discounting anybody’s contribution. I’m just merely saying it was a—you know—for me to be in a different place where nobody knew me, I knew nobody else, you make friendships, but they are very casual, detached friendships. You aren’t getting close to anybody there, you know you’re—we had some fun, but to go without a hug for five months.
To have anyone that really knows you that can just understand you without saying anything. That was a very lonely experience. So you think coming home, jumping back into it, you’d be like, oh, okay, that’s over and were back to it. But I think it’s just the accumulation of those experiences.
NR: Sure.
JS: I think—I don’t know, but all I know is I really suffered a lot when I got back and I—maybe for a reason too, to understand better what other people go through. I don’t know, but, I did finally ease out of that. I did speak about my deployment a lot, because people asked me to do different speaking engagements about it. So, that did help to kind of go through the process each time, but I didn’t always tell all the “icky” stuff. I think a lot of it was about, here’s Saddam’s castle, here’s you know—there’s the dust storm, the really treacherous moments, and the really lonely moments. Some stuff you just reserve, I guess. But you know, nobody that I knew died. Nobody that I knew got hurt. So one could look at it and say what’s the big deal, you came home and it’s all fine. I don’t know, I think it’s just the devastation of the loneliness.
NR: But, you were in danger, 24/7.
JS: Yeah, we were. There was a huge explosion. The day they gave over Baghdad, downtown Baghdad, to the Iraqis. It was towards the end of my deployment. It must have been September something when they actually gave them back a trove of the green zone, they called it. There was a huge, huge explosion, a huge car bomb that went off. I was sitting in my work area and you could feel and hear the explosion, this was a couple miles away. So we were safe from where we were from that, but it was that rattle and you could feel it and you went, “Oh no, what happened?” You know we have our Intel that comes out on the computer, but we didn’t have any Intel that came out yet. Fox news actually had it on the news before we got our Intel about it.
NR: Wow!
JS: That you know the day they gave it back over to the Iraqis you know, chaos ensues and they have a huge car bomb. It killed a 100 and some people, I don’t know, I forget the numbers. But it was devastating, to be that close to that, I don’t know.
NR: Frightening!
JS: Yeah, frightening, very frightening. So I came back different. I came back more grateful. I came back with a better understanding. I came back proud that I’d served. I came back with a better understanding of the people I work with and what they go through. Some people go multiple times for longer times and you know, and I respect that. Interestingly enough, when I retired from the military then—so I retired in 2010.
I stayed on as a civilian contractor, and did the Yellow River program for the state of Minnesota, for the Air National Guard. It was very interesting because I knew firsthand what deployment was like, how it was hard—now I had this full time experience of coming home myself. Dealing with a whole bunch of people now, I was doing events for people to help them integrate back home with families. I was having speakers, and service providers there to help you integrate back home now that you are done with your deployment, you and your family.
NR: Oh, good.
JS: I had all kinds of people come through scoffing, we don’t need this, and this is dumb. I thought, oh, you are exactly the person that needs it. [laughs] But I felt good about doing that job, because I totally knew where they were coming from, you know. So it gave me a lot of pleasure to do that. I did it for a year after I retired.
NR: Oh, okay.
JS: So, my September 11th story, I was at the National Guard Bureau, in Washington, DC, September 11th, when the planes hit in New York and the plane in DC. The National Guard Bureau, “as the crow flies”, is a couple of blocks from the Pentagon, I mean it’s right downtown. So to get there, you probably had to “twirl around”, as a plane flies. It’s right there. So I was out there with a co-worker to work for two weeks. You know how these things seem like they are bad when they happen and you find out they’re good. You know we couldn’t get a hotel where we wanted. We needed to change hotels, we weren’t supposed to have a rental car, and we weren’t supposed to have our luggage with us, because we should have been in a hotel. All these things that were making us angry that day, lined up to be the perfect storm because we had our rental car and our luggage.
So we report for work that day frustrated, go upstairs and we start to work and doing our thing. All of a sudden people in the office started panicking. They said a bomb’s gone off at the Pentagon and I’m going home to be with my family. We thought, “What, a bomb?” and then other co-workers were making calls, people upset. One person said, “I’m not going home, I got a lot of work to do.” We are like, “What is going on here?” We spoke to the commander that was there because none of us knew what was happening. And then another co-worker runs up and says, “I’m going home, I’m going home, a bomb’s gone off at the Pentagon. “ He kind of chuckled. And I looked at him and said, “Is this happening?” You are here every day; I don’t understand what’s so funny. I don’t understand why you are laughing.” He was chuckling because he didn’t know what was going on. Everyone was trying to figure out what was going on. So we got on the phone right away and started calling back to our home base.
I don’t know that we got the information there, I’m real fuzzy on how that turned out, but we knew something bad happened. At this time we are still thinking it’s a bomb. Me and my co-worker “jump it”. We go down to the garage just when they decided to keep people in the building for safety. There was this security guy, you need to stay.
We went down into the parking garage and got into our car, which we weren’t supposed to have and with our luggage in it. And my co-worker stops to pay the parking and the tenant is long gone and I thought, are you crazy, just go, go. We don’t even know what’s going on here, so we start driving and there’s a huge back up of cars. Then of course you can’t—and we heard some explosions and we’re smelling smoke because we aren’t very far from there. Still not sure what’s going on and we see all these people walking and there are people in cars and it’s real chaotic—and we knew something bad. So we got the radio on and we are trying to make phone calls on our cell phones, and this is a time when cell phone usage isn’t what it is now.
We had them, but there weren’t all the towers and stuff and everything was jammed, you couldn’t get a cell phone line through at this point now. It was really hard to get through because everyone in the world was talking.
NR: Right.
JS: We were held up in this traffic for a couple hours, we didn’t need to go very far. It would take you all of five minutes to get onto the freeway where we needed to go. It was bumper to bumper and you couldn’t get out. We are listening to the radio and I can’t remember when we figured out it was an airplane. I can’t remember when that was, but I do remember listening to a radio and them saying there was another inbound one. The one that crashed in Pennsylvania was going to the White House. But, so then we are sitting there and I remember we looked so ridiculous looking for this airplane we think is going to crash into where—you know.
NR: Gosh, that’s so scary.
JS: It was so scary. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. I remember saying that, should we laugh or cry? It was just the craziest thing; I mean who could wrap your head around this. What is going on? So this time we still didn’t know the Twin Towers had been hit. Still chaotic and information was scarce, but we did get permission to drive the rental car home. [both laugh]
NR: To Duluth Minnesota.
JS: Minnesota, yes. So after a couple hours, I think it was a couple hours that we actually got through this little winding spot. We got to the freeway and then there was a hotel there.
So we stopped at the hotel to see what was going on, get out bearings to see which direction we need to go in. We went in and they had a TV in there. That’s when we saw the footage of everything happening. It was just devastating, everybody—we couldn’t figure out what was going on. We got our directions we need to go and we started driving and driving and driving. It was so scary because I couldn’t tell you where we were along the route, but seeing like the big rescue trucks going the other way from where we had just come. And like the EOD trucks—it was very disturbing, because nobody in the world knows what’s happening still, really. You know, and long lines at the gas pump.
NR: Oh, yeah.
JS: People panicking about gas and all that.
NR: And to get away.
JS: Yes, is the world going down now, or what’s happening. I think we stopped in Dayton Ohio, I think, and got a hotel for the night. My husband, I could finally talk to him again and he said. “Don’t watch the news.” And, I watched the news. We couldn’t sleep that night anyway. We were so wound tight and scared and nervous, so we didn’t really sleep. Then we left, but one of the cool things my husband was home by himself with kids. He said it’s like three in the morning and he can’t sleep. There’s no flying anywhere because everything is shut down. Then he hears the afterburner of an F16 taking off from the base. And he said he’ll never forget that feeling, his wife’s gone and September 11, and then that afterburner, it’s like “they are going to save the day.” Thank God. Taken off in the middle of the night like that, not everyone knows there’s supposed to be no aircraft. And all was good, but life was never the same from the military again. And everything started from there. But that’s another crazy experience I keep meaning to write that down for my kids because they were real little then.
Actually I only had the two boys, so they were just babies, because then I found out I was pregnant with my third boy a couple weeks after that. I remember lying on the couch after I’d been off a couple weeks, maybe not a couple weeks, a week, but I don’t know what it was. I was feeling very depressed and sad about what’s going on in the world, no energy and then I found out I was pregnant. That’s probably why I was so tired and just so lethargic and it was kind of one of those moments when I found out I was pregnant for the third time. I thought the world is still going to go on because God is still sending babies.
NR: Yes, yes.
JS: It was a moment of clarity that this is not a good situation. He wants the world to go on, or he wouldn’t be sending us babies.
NR: It’s very true.
JS: Yeah, yeah. So that’s another crazy story. [laughs]
NR: Is there anything that—anything else you would like to end with?
JS: I don’t know, I just think that for me the military was the first best adult decision I made. I was 18, made the decision to join the military and I ended up doing things I never could have imagined or planned. I couldn’t have planned it out better, to be more exciting. It was always exciting, but for me the military was a great place to learn to be professional, to see good work as rewarded, and to be recognized. The military gives out recognition and the military gives out medals, you can earn your medals. That means something that means something, that recognition.
So it was my first best adult decision and I never dreamed—I can’t believe I’ve been retired now for four and a half years now. I can’t believe I did it. I was not happy to retire. In Minnesota there’s a rule when you have twenty years active duty you have to retire.
NR: Oh, I didn’t know that.
JS: That’s why I retired so young and I wasn’t very happy about that, because it felt like I was just “hitting my stride” and getting going. Then it was time to retire, but there’s life after I found, so it’s good. I have lots a fond memories, it seems like a whole crazy chapter of my life that’s already been closed for four and a half years. It’s really hard to _____? It was so much a big part of my identity whether you want to or not, you know what you do for a living. What you do with your time becomes your identity, your volunteer work, your career, and your kids, whatever.
So shunning uniform, taking the uniform off for the last time was harder than I thought, because I had prepared myself for that, knowing I was going to retire young and I can’t be so tied up in this. I can’t let this become an ego trip. Collin Powell has a quote that says, “Never let your position get so close to your ego that when your position goes, your ego goes with it.”I always try to focus on that, even with that, it was hard to take the uniform off, it really was. It was such a part of me. I grew up in the military and I was eighteen when I joined you know and I was actually in for twenty years, weird math, but twenty years.
So it’s been twenty years of my adult life and now to take it off when you are so proud of it was hard. I guess there’s lots of life after and I found lots of happiness and peace afterwards too. I think everything that’s happened has meant something, big or small, good, bad, or indifferent. It’s been really good and I love the opportunities that came with being in the military, I really love it. So, I’ll see if my kids serve someday too.
NR: Of course you would be supportive of that if they wanted.
JS: Yes. Yeah, I’m not going to push them into it, but my two bigger boys say they are going to join the Army. I’d say, “But Mom’s in the air force.”[laughs] So I don’t know, we’ll see what they do. They’ll just have our support no matter what. So I think that’s good that people are honoring the military and the sacrifices because I don’t think people understand what people give up and what their families go through when they deploy and just serve. So we can’t recognize them enough.
NR: Right. And so because you are certainly well known, do people recognize you for your service?
JS: Not so much without my uniform anymore. And I saw my friends, like on Veteran’s Day I got a lot of, “Thank you for your service.”
So I was kind of taken back because now I’ve taken a step back and you know—so I have to admit Veterans Day, it was very special for people to say, “Thank you for your service, Jodi.” That took me back, I feel like I’m not serving anymore.
NR: But you’re at the base still.
JS: Nope, I’m not. I did the Yellow River job for a year, but I am retired and I’ve just moved on. I’ve worked on a couple of projects.
NR: Okay, okay.
JS: It’s weird, because it’s like, those are my people, and I just don’t go there anymore. You know what, they all survived without me.
NR: Probably not as happily. [laughs]
JS: Probably just as happy, unfortunately. You know one of my commanders told me, when you retire, when you’re gone, and people leave, it’s like taking your hand out of a glass of water. It’s like it was never there in the first place. It always made me a little bit sad, but if you set things up right, it’s exactly how it should be. You know, none of us should think that we are irreplaceable, you know, but it is a little bit sad. That to me—I was a little bit sad, he didn’t say it in reference to me leaving, it was all of us. You know take your hand out of the glass. I’m like yah, and that is true. But that’s what we’re called to do, mentor, lead, and when you’re gone people just take right over.
NR: Yes.
JS: But we’d all like to think that were irreplaceable and no one can live without us. [laughs] But that’s just really not the case.
NR: Right.
JS: Even my family survived when I was deployed, so go figure. [laughs]
NR: Not as happily.
JS: I would say that, absolutely.
NR: And thrilled that you are.
JS: Yes. So, now that I’m home and done it, I bake a lot of cookies at home.
NR: Great. Do you?
JS: I bake a lot of cookies for my family, yeah. It’s just one of those things. They don’t even realize what it means to me inside, you know, I just bake a lot of cookies. I want the house to smell like baked cookies.
NR: When they come in.
JS: When they’re adults I want them to think of home and warmth and cookies. [laughs]
NR: Yeah. Jodi, I thank you so very much for being able to take this time and be able to share all of those experiences. I truly appreciate it.
JS: Thank you, I appreciate it. I appreciate it very much.
end of interview
Track 1
78:15
Transcribed by Helen Hase
